I read the news today, oh boyAbout a lucky man who made the gradeAnd though the news was rather sadWell, I just had to laughI saw the photograph
He blew his mind out in a carHe didn't notice that the lights had changedA crowd of people stood and staredThey'd seen his face beforeNobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords
I read the news today, oh boyFour thousand holes in Blackburn, LancashireAnd though the holes were rather smallThey had to count them allNow they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert HallI'd love to turn you on
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